April 14th

Day two:

I felt good today, I took a nap from about 11:30 to 12:30, a sort of up and down nap.  After the nap, it didn't take long for me to be truly awake, which is really something for me.  I spent the whole afternoon fully awake, even when I was just sitting, I had very little desire to sleep on the spot.  I was able to work on a not very important project, while sitting on a very comfy couch.

I do think I noticed a side affect of Provigil that I have been warned about.  I have been told that, because Provigil enhances focus, it can sometimes cause people to fixate or obsess on things.  I tend to do this anyway sometimes.  I spent much longer trying to perfect something than I needed, even though it was done long before I stopped working on it.  But if this is all the exchange there is, then hallelujah.

Today was a good day.

Actual First Entry

I wrote this out at church yesterday:

I took a Provigil today.  I still napped for a couple hours right after, but I don't think I feel the same level of dead tired.  I am going to finish writing this and then pay full attention in church to see if I stay awake.

I am scared that  it won't work, scared that it will.  I worry that there won't be anything wrong with me, that I am just lazy.  Or that I am messed up, and will have to take a pill every day for the rest of my life to feel normal.  I am scared of this.  Scared I will like the pills too much, or that they won't work.  I might be allergic to them.  My brother is.  He broke out in terrible hives/welts/boils when he tried Provigil.  I only have enough for about two weeks, and then a "stepping off" period.  And then a bit more to adjust to a big time change.

Pre-Narcolepsy

Narcolepsy is not what you might think it is.  I don't (hardly) fall asleep standing or walking. I don't (usually) droop off midstream.  But for the past few years my life has been clouded.  I have been at times, very happy and very sad, very active and very apathetic.  Two of my sibling have Narcolepsy.  If I don't actually have it now, I am well on my way.  I want to track my sleep and reactions to medications and activities.  If this should help anyone else, then all the better.  I welcome any and all appropriate communication.